Tears from the Moon
by lkaplon
Summary: Thanks to this song, I wrote what I said I would never write, an angst piece. It's a not-so-short post chosen crossover w/Angel. BS, of course.


Post Chosen. Crossover w/ Angel I don't remember that much about Angel as I wasn't as a religious watcher of that as I was Buffy so, Angel is living at the Hyperion and Cordy is getting visions. It's some time after the episode where she gets the demon mark that gives her so many visions. Also, I don't remember the name of Lorne's bar so that's the reason I don't name it. Also, this has not been beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine.

Tears From the Moon

As the bus rolled further away from the crater that was Sunnydale, the further Buffy pulled into herself. He hadn't believed her. Of course, she really hadn't given him reason to. But it hurt. And now there was no way for her to prove it.

Dawn watched her sister, unsure how to comfort the obvious grief she was dealing with. She still really hadn't forgiven Spike for what he had done to Buffy last year, but it was apparent that Buffy had and that she had had stronger feelings for the blonde vampire than any of them had wanted to see or acknowledge. With a deep sigh she made her way over to Willow and Kennedy.

"What do we do?" She asked, sitting on the seat across from the slayer and the witch. "I've never seen her like this."

Willow looked over at Buffy. It was obvious that the blonde slayer was oblivious to everything around her. Her gaze was unfocused and she paid no attention as Faith cleaned and bandaged the wound in her side. She didn't even flinch as Faith cleaned the wound with alcohol.

Willow looked back to Dawn, her face stricken. "I have. When Glory took you. She went into herself and I had to go into her mind to pull her out."

They had never told Dawn the particulars of that. It had been an unspoken agreement that Dawn hadn't needed to know of Buffy's breakdown. Dawn and Willow were silent for a long moment thinking back to their time with the hell god. In a way, all this had started back then.

Kennedy was not completely in the dark about Glory. Willow had told her some during one of their many late night talks. After some kind of battle with some weird knights, Dawn had been kidnapped by the hell god and Buffy had gone catatonic. It was then something occurred to her.

"So, how is it that we didn't know that she loved Spike that much?" Kennedy blurted out.

Dawn's automatic denial died before it could be formed as she looked back at her sister. Faith had finished patching her up and she was just sitting there. Her hands folded in her lap, tears silently coursing down her cheeks.

Willow had come to the same realization as Dawn as she watched her best friend. "What are we going to do?"

Faith walked up to join them, hearing the question. "I think we should go to L.A. Angel's working out of that hotel so there would be room." She looked back at her sister slayer, knowing that she had been what they were talking about before she joined them. "If she doesn't snap out of it by then, maybe Angel can wake her up. If not, it'll give you somewhere private to try that mind walk thing again."

The other three nodded in agreement. Faith stopped to check on Robin as she made her way to the front of the bus to tell Giles where they were going. He opened his eyes and gave her a weak smile when she grasped his hand. Her heart leaped at the sight. Maybe he would surprise her. She gave him a smile and continued on her way.

"Head for Angel's." She paused a moment, unsure how to broach the subject of his slayer's current mental state. Giles had been the one that had tried to kill Spike with Robin's help. Buffy had not forgiven him for it and he had not forgiven her for choosing Spike over him.

"Buffy's really not doing so good." She finally settled on.

Giles looked up into the rear view mirror and narrowed his gaze on Buffy. She was indeed "not good." She still sat in the same position, tears still streaming down her face.

For the first time since he had met Spike, he wondered if he had underestimated him. Buffy had told them that Spike had died closing the hellmouth for good. And whether he wanted to admit it or not, he now knew his slayer loved Spike as much as he had loved her. He just didn't know what or how to fix it. A father was supposed to be able to fix things for his daughter. True, they were not blood related, but he couldn't love her more if she had been.

"Do you think Angel can help her?" He settled on asking, hoping Faith wouldn't pry.

"I don't know. Willow said she could attempt that mind walk thing again if he can't." Faith was relieved that he still wasn't clinging to his hate of the vampire.

It was a weary group that pulled up in front of the Hyperion a little after noon. Faith had called Angel on the way to let them know of their arrival. He had told them to come, of course, and that he would have Fred and Cordy make up some rooms. It amused Faith to no end the changes she had observed in the cheerleader.

Kennedy led the group of new slayers into the hotel. They truly looked like war refugees. Not a one had made it through the battle without any injury. Those with minor injuries helped those more seriously wounded. Finally, only Faith, Willow, Xander, Dawn and Buffy remained in the bus. Buffy still hadn't moved. The tears had stopped, but she made no move to acknowledge that they had arrived at their destination.

"What do we do?" Xander asked. Not only was he trying to come to terms with Anya's death he was also trying to deal with the fact that everything, and he meant everything, he had thought about Spike had been wrong.

"We get her inside." Dawn said firmly. She intended to do everything in her power to help her sister.

She walked over to Buffy and put a hand on her arm. Then said softly, "Buffy, we need to go inside now."

Buffy gave no response or indication that she had heard. Dawn sighed and gently pulled Buffy to her feet. The blonde slayer came willingly enough. She put no energy into the movement, nor did she fight to remain seated. Dawn began leading her down the isle and out of the bus. Buffy walked stiffly, as though the minimal movements she made hurt more than anything else in the world.

Angel stood anxiously in the lobby waiting for Buffy. Fred, Cordy, Wes and Gunn were getting the others squared away. It was Buffy he was worried about. Faith had given him little information about her condition on the phone, other than to say she just wasn't right.

When he saw her, he knew what the dark haired slayer had been talking about. He moved slowly to greet them, not wanting to startle the seemingly fragile blonde.

"Buffy?" He questioned, softly. "What's wrong?" He started to reach for her, to pull her into a hug.

It was then Buffy reacted. In her current state, all she saw masculine hands reaching for her. Hands that weren't the pale, long, graceful fingers she wanted. She let out an inhuman cry and flinched away from him, shrinking deeper into the shelter of Dawn's arms. Angel immediately stopped and let his arms fall to his sides.

"Why is she like this?" He asked Dawn, heartbroken.

Dawn gave a deep sigh. She so did not want to be the one to tell him this. Finally she decided to tell him the barest information she felt he needed to know. If… when Buffy got better, she could tell him the rest if she wanted. "Spike died. Spike loved Buffy." She paused to look him directly in the eye, wanting him to completely understand her.

"And she loved him. Where's her room?"

Angel felt his mouth fall open. His Buffy had loved his grand childe? When had that happened? He wanted to pepper Dawn with questions, but the resolve on her face told him that he would get no more information from her. Giving an unneeded sigh of resignation, he gestured towards the stairs.

"The first room on the right is hers."

Dawn nodded her thanks and led the docile Buffy upstairs.

Angel watched her go for a moment before swinging his attention back to Willow, Xander and Faith.

"What?" It was all he could ask.

Xander groaned. "We don't know, Angel. The rest of us were too involved with either not dying or with our own personal shit to notice when she fell in love with him or when he became a good enough man to sacrifice himself for the world. I need sleep." With a half wave, he headed upstairs to find a room. Maybe everything would be clearer after some sleep.

Angel continued to look at Willow and Faith. Faith held up her hands. "Don't look at me. I was in jail. I'm just gonna go find Robin."

Shooting Willow a sympathetic look, she too retreated up the stairs. Willow fidgeted under Angel's direct gaze.

"Like Xander said Angel. We don't know. The only person who has the answers to your questions is Buffy and apparently, she's not talking." Willow gave Angel a sad smile as she started toward the stairs. She wanted to see if Dawn had Buffy settled enough to try the mind walk again.

Angel stood, completely alone and completely flabbergasted. He had left Buffy so she could have a normal life and she had chosen to love his grand childe. What the hell?

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed, unconcerned with the two concerned faces staring at her. All she could feel was an overwhelming sadness. It sat on her chest, making it hard to breath. Contrary to what her friends thought, she was not in the same catatonic state that Dawn's kidnapping had left her in. She was aware of what was going on around her, barely, but she was aware. She just couldn't bring herself to care. Spike was gone, that was all she could think. She saw Dawn reaching for her burned hand, probably to bandage it. However, she jerked it away, hiding it in the crook of her other elbow. She would not allow anyone to take away the last feeling she had of Spike touching her, even if it was holding his hand as he burned to death for her.

Dawn jumped back at Buffy's reaction. "Did she move at all last time?" She looked over her shoulder at Willow.

Willow shook her head. "No. Which tells me this is something different." She walked over and knelt down so she could stare into Buffy's eyes.

"Buffy, you need to let us know what's going on in there. Sharing might help." She said softly, putting her hand on Buffy's uninjured one.

She heard the words the witch whispered as if they were coming down a long tunnel. But she knew Willow was right. Spike would throw a bloody fit if he knew that she refused to live after he had died for her. In a way, she was hyperly aware of her use of Spike speech. She knew that eventually it would leak from her mental words to her spoken words, that was, just as soon as she could force herself to speak.

Seeing that they were going to be there a while, Dawn pulled a couple of chairs over for her and Willow. Once they were seated, Willow once again took Buffy's uninjured hand and Dawn reached over to put a hand on her knee.

"We're here, Buffy. Just as soon as you're ready." Dawn whispered.

It wasn't long at all before Buffy managed to let out a whimper and whisper, "He didn't believe me."

Willow and Dawn exchanged glances. They didn't know what she was talking about.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Willow asked, keeping her voice soft.

Buffy pulled in a deep ragged breath. "I told him and he didn't believe me. Told me to leave."

Dawn bit her lip as she realized what Buffy was talking about. "You told him you love him and he told you he didn't believe you. Then he told you to leave." She clarified.

"Would you have stayed if he had believed you?" Dawn struggled to keep her voice steady. It was all so clear to her now. Spike had believed her, but he hadn't wanted Buffy to die with him. Somehow she knew that he had sent Buffy away for her and it broke her heart.

Buffy met Dawn's gaze, her own filled with horror. "I… don't know."

Dawn wanted to be angry, but she just couldn't find it. After everything Buffy had been through, she could understand the desire to stay and die with the one you loved. The one who had loved her enough to get a soul to be a better man for her. She finally understood Buffy's fixation with it. It wasn't necessarily the soul itself, but it was the fact that Spike, a vampire, a _demon_, had cared enough to fight for one. For her.

"You know he didn't mean it, right?"

Buffy looked away from Dawn's honest gaze. No, she couldn't know that. She had treated him horribly and their fragile rebuilt friendship had in no way made up for it. But Dawn didn't know, and didn't need to know, all the details.

Dawn took Buffy's hand from Willow, finally knowing what to say. "Buffy, look at me." She waited until the blonde met her open gaze.

"When you… died last year, Spike almost took a walk in the sun. The thing that kept him going was his promise to you. His promise that he would take care of me until the world ended. We talked a lot about you the summer you were gone. He finally figured out that you had some sort of feelings for him, but you couldn't say it. He knew that if you had, he would have taken that walk." Dawn watched the realization of the point she was making sink into Buffy. "That's why he told you he didn't believe you. He knew that I couldn't take the loss of both of you."

Tears began falling again, on the part of both Summers' sisters. Buffy, because she finally realized what she had almost done to her sister. And that almost, almost overtook the pain of Spike's loss. Dawn, because she realized how close she had come to loosing her sister again and how much her sister had loved Spike. It left her with a feeling of complete awe. It also left her with a certainty that this would not be the end of Buffy and Spike and she told her sister as much. It was then Willow stood and turned to leave the room. She wasn't needed here. Somehow, Dawn knew exactly what to say. She would have time with Buffy later. Right now, it appeared the sisters needed to bond. She left the room, closing the door quietly behind her and when in search of Kennedy. The sisters didn't even notice her leave.

"If he can, he'll find a way back, you know that right? You have to remember being dead doesn't necessarily stick around here."

Buffy gave her sister a watery smile at the attempt to comfort her. However, her sister did have a point, death wasn't always the end around her.

"I know. I just don't see how…" Dawn cut Buffy off with a firm grip on her hand.

"It doesn't matter how. If there's away, he'll find it. You know Spike."

And at that Buffy did smile fully. She did know Spike. He had never given up on her. Even when she had given up on herself. If there was a way, he would find it.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk. Do you mind?" Buffy asked. She felt the need to move and clear her head.

Dawn shook her head. "Go ahead. I'm gonna go to sleep." She gave Buffy a huge, not all together faked, yawn.

Buffy nodded and quickly left the room.

They had been at the hotel for a couple of days now. Giles and Wesley had started to reform the Watcher's Council. Surprisingly enough, Andrew had been a big help to them. Most of the newly turned slayers had returned to their homes to see their families. Giles was working on putting together enough watchers so that they could stay with their families while they trained. Faith and Robin had taken off in the bus the next day. It seemed they both felt the call of the open road. Faith from her long stint in jail and Robin to reassess his life. He still wasn't sure about his feelings about the vampire's death. While Spike had killed his mother, he knew that Buffy had been right, that Spike no longer existed. That Spike wouldn't have sacrificed himself to save the world. And now no one would know what sort of person he would have become given the chance. Kennedy was still around, trying to convince Willow to go with her to her parents' place. Willow wasn't sure she was ready for that step, besides, she felt that she was still needed here.

For Buffy it had become a mundane routine. Spend the day with Willow or Dawn. Walk all night. She didn't sleep because she never felt tired. For the most part she had avoided Angel. She wasn't sure what to say to him. She felt a little guilty about the whole cookie speech she had given him before the battle. After the kiss she had known that she didn't love him any longer, but then she had felt sure that she was going to be the one to die, so maybe it had been a bit of cold comfort. She smiled sardonically at the phrase 'cold comfort'. It had been Spike's phrase whenever she had shown up at his crypt during the early phase of their dysfunctional relationship. She quietly slipped down the stairs. It was time for her nightly walk. However, the others had become concerned about it so she tried to sneak out after they were asleep and return before they woke up in the morning. She wasn't sure if it worked or not, but at least for the time being, they were leaving her alone. Then she felt a familiar tingle go up her spine. So much for them leaving her alone, she thought, before descending the last few steps to greet Angel in the lobby.

"Going to try to stop me?" She asked, wearily.

Angel shook his head. "No, but I'd like for you to come some place with me."

Buffy looked at him suspiciously. "Where?"

At that Angel smiled. He wasn't sure how she was going to take this next part. "To see a demon friend of mine."

"Explain." Buffy still wasn't sure what to make of the vampire in front of her.

"My friend, Lorne, runs a karaoke bar. Lorne has a special gift. He can read people's destinies while they sing."

The slayer's gaze narrowed as she realized what he wanted her to do. "And you want me to sing for him, why?"

Angel ran a defeated hand through his hair. "Because from what I've been able to piece together from what the others have told me, you really loved Spike." He met her gaze honestly. "I can accept that, Buffy. You may not think so, but all I ever really wanted was for you to be happy. I know you're not happy right now, but maybe Lorne can tell you something. Something to ease what you're going through."

Buffy sighed. "I guess it wouldn't hurt." She didn't think anything could make it hurt more. "Lead the way."

Angel led her down the sidewalk. She was grateful that he allowed her to walk. She really hadn't wanted to be cooped up in a car for any length of time. Maybe it was still residual from waking in a coffin, but the thought of being in a small enclosed space was totally unappealing.

Angel walked beside Buffy in silence. For the first time in a long time, he didn't know what to say. Spike had once said they could never be friends, only enemies or lovers. Maybe he was right. Now that he knew… the thought trailed off suddenly. Spike was right about something. Unable to help himself he laughed aloud. That couldn't be right.

Buffy looked sideways at Angel. "Care to share?"

He met her gaze a smile still on his lips. "I just had a thought. Do you remember when I came back from hell and Spike had come to town to have Willow do that love spell on Dru?"

Buffy nodded, her gaze darkening at the mention of the dark-haired female vampire. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, Spike told us that we could never be friends. In his own elegant way, he passed judgment that we would only be lovers or enemies."

Buffy smiled. She remembered the "Love's Bitch" speech. "Yeah. Why did that make you laugh?"

"Well, I was thinking that I didn't know how to be your friend. That I didn't know what to say to you now. Which led to me thinking that Spike might have been right."

Buffy smiled. "Interesting train of thought. Of course, now you know you're going to have to figure out how to be my friend. You couldn't let Spike be right." She teased. She was proud that her voice only caught a little on her former lover's name.

Angel bumped her shoulder with his own. "I think we've got a good start, how about you?"

The slayer nodded. If this Lorne could actually give her something, it would be a great thing for a friend to do.

Angel turned and led them down an alley and into a darkened stairway. He held the door open, letting her go in ahead of him. The loud brashness of the place hit Buffy almost like a slap. It took a second for her to get her bearings. The bar was decorated in a tropical theme and a blue demon was on the stage belting out a very bad rendition of Whitney Houston's I'll Always Love You. She cringed as she stepped aside for Angel to enter. Thankfully he was on the last verse.

The dark-haired vampire led them to the bar where a green demon with red horns sat. He was dressed in a very loud neon green suit. It almost hurt Buffy's eyes to look at it. She had thought that there had not been a more hideous green color than the color of Anya's bridesmaid's dresses, but she had been wrong.

"Lorne, this is Buffy. Buffy, Lorne." Angel made the introductions.

"Awe, sweet cheeks, you finally bring the lovely legendary Buffy to my humble club." He gripped her hand and pulled her into a hug. "It's wonderful to meet you, darling."

Buffy finally managed to pull back, regarding the demon almost suspiciously. She still didn't know what to make of him. "Nice to meet you."

Sensing that this was more of business trip than a pleasure trip, Lorne got down to business. "What can I do for you two, tonight?"

Angel exchanged a glance with Buffy. "I want you to read her." He said, turning back to the green demon.

Lorne's eyes brightened. "Wonderful!" He exclaimed. He stood, reached over the bar and grabbed a binder. Settling back into his seat, he handed it to Buffy. "Here's the music we have."

Buffy took the binder from him, then sat down at the bar and began going through it.

Lorne leaned close to Angel. "What's really going on?" His tone was more serious.

"Buffy needs something Lorne. The… person she loves just died. I think she's a little lost."

Lorne took a deep breath and considered the blonde again. "Thought she was your love, Angelkins."

Angel was glad that he had lost the ability to blush, because if he hadn't his face would have been tomato red. "Let's talk about that later."

Buffy tried to ignore them as she flipped through the book. So far nothing had appealed to her. Then her fingers stopped as she read the title and artist of the song. Tears from the Moon by Conjure featuring Sinead O'Connor. She had only ever heard the song once, but it's haunting melody had always stayed with her. She handed the book over to Lorne.

"This one."

Lorne raised his eyebrows a little at the song. Even though it had been in the book for several years, this would be the first time anyone had ever sung it.

The drunk blue demon finally made his way off stage and over to Lorne. "Soooo, what'd'ya see?" He slurred.

"Uh, sorry, son. Nothing came through this time." Truthfully, he had stopped listening the moment Angel and his friend had walked in. Sometimes it hurt to hear the masters butchered.

The demon grumbled as he walked away. "Shoulda known."

"You just go ahead up on stage and I'll set the music for you."

Buffy gave Lorne a half-smile and did as he said. It was just a moment before the haunting music began. She waited for her cue and began to sing.

_Couldn't sleep so I went out walking  
Thinking about you and hearing us talking  
And all the things I should have said  
Echo now, inside my head_

I feel something falling from the sky  
I'm so sad I made the angels cry

_Tears from the moon  
Fall down like rain  
I reach for you  
I reach in vain_

_Tears from the moon, tears from the moon_

Lorne gasped in pain as the visions hit him. He saw a peaceful, heavenly place. Then felt the violence of being torn from it. The vision of a blue eyed, blonde vampire filled him along with the slayers feelings for this vampire who called himself Spike. First, disgust and anger. And with those feelings came the visions of the vampire fighting with Buffy. Next came, a sense of awe and the beginnings of something more. Those feelings were accompanied by the vision of Buffy helping the badly beaten vampire into a crypt.

"What you did for Dawn… What you did for me… That was real. I won't ever forget it."

The vampire stared at her incredulously as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

_It just ain't fair this thing called loving  
When one step there and the other feels nothing  
I would have done anything for you  
I still love you, baby I adore you_

_All day I keep from falling apart  
But at night when the sky gets dark_

The visions and emotions came faster now. The two fighting again. However, this time there wasn't the desire on either part to truly hurt the other. It was almost a more violent version of sparring. Next, he saw a house falling down around them as they made love. These were filled with confusion on her part and love and hate and overwhelming desire from Spike.

_Tears from the moon  
Fall down like rain  
I reach for you  
I reach in vain_

The two standing together as the world around them fell apart. Spike was starting to burn from the inside out and the pain was incredible. He stared in amazement as she reached out and took his burning hand.

"I love you."

"No you don't. But thanks for saying it."

"Now GO!" The blonde vampire ordered.

Tears filled Buffy's eyes. She stayed a minute longer, just until another quake tore her hand from his.

As Buffy ran, the vampire began to laugh.

"I wanna see how it ends." He turned to dust with a smile on his face. He had gotten his someday.

Red tears began dripping down Lorne's cheeks. The love and pain of the moment threatened to bring him to his knees.

_Stop, Stop haunting me  
It should be easy  
As easy as when you stopped wanting me_

_Tears from the moon  
Fall down like rain  
I reach for you  
I reach in vain_

The vision sped up and he knew he was now seeing the future. Angel working in a large law firm and receiving a package. From that package erupted the very vampire he had seen turn to dust moments before.

_Tears from the moon  
Fall down like rain  
but tears from the moon  
can't wash away the pain_

_Tears from the moon, tears from the moon  
Tears from the moon, tears from the moon_

As the last notes faded away, Lorne turned to Angel. "In a little while, you're going to get a _very_ strange package. When you do…" he paused and pointed to the small blonde making her way to them, "when you do, she had better be the first person you call."

"So, what did you see?" Buffy was indescribably touched to see the red tears the demon had yet to wipe away. Whatever he had seen had completely moved him.

"Oh, baby doll, don't you worry. Things are gonna look up." He smiled at her as he wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. He knew he couldn't tell her exactly why things would look up, but she needed to have hope.

For some reason Buffy was comforted by his words. Maybe he was projecting, but she even felt the pain lift slightly. She would live. She would live for the both of them.

AN 2: Okay, that's it. Just a not so short one shot to hopefully break the writer's block for You Can Count on Me. I heard this song a couple of days ago and this story has been yelling at me to write it since then. I finally gave in. Reviews, pretty please? If I get enough, and I can come up with something loosely resembling a plot, I could be talked into a sequel….


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